This last week I've been thinking a lot about the emotions I felt while Ashlyn was in the hospital. Shell-shocked and floored do not even begin to describe how I felt in the ER. While we sat in the ER watching our sick daughter with Doctor's coming up to us and saying she was really sick but they didn't know why, two things went through my mind. If she died would someone go to my house and put the baby stuff away and would Karalee come to her funeral (she's my sibling that lives the farthest away). I felt that if she died I would need all my siblings there to support me. I was never mad or angry at Heavenly Father, I am surprised that these thoughts never crossed my mind but now realize it is because I always knew in some way no matter what the outcome was I needed the strength only he could provide to get through this. If anyone was to ask me what the hardest part of this was - it was when Jarrett cried. This happened after they told us that he heart wasn't functioning and they didn't know why ( can you see why the diagnosis was so welcome, we got a lot of we don't know followed by a lot of scaring sounding things it might be). Jarrett is not a very emotional guy, so when he broke down and cried I was scared. If we are going to say who was the emotionally strongest through this I would say it was my Dad. It was also hard for me when they first gave us the diagnosis as it meant there was something "wrong" with her but now I am thankful it is something so manageable. This experience has reaffirmed my knowledge of relying on the Lord and has even brought our family closer together. We even joke now that the Lord was aware that with three kids giving medicine three times a day might be difficult and that is why he made the medication that is only administered twice a day be the one that works best for her.
Monday, June 13, 2011
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3 comments:
I have felt ever since having Brett that you can't have a child go through something involving the NICU without gaining a stronger testimony. I really wish that I could have helped you while this was all going on, but I am SO glad that Ashlyn is doing well now. *Big hugs*
Yes I would of come. I thought about it as we were praying and waiting to find out about Ashlyn. You are right, we all would of needed to be together for you. I'm so happy that instead of flying to Edmonton to be with you, I'm making plans to meet Ashlyn and be with you in Idaho!
I cannot imagine the emotions that you must have felt while that was all happening. I cannot think of anything more frightening. You are amazing.
(And we're very happy that this is so manageable for you!)
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